It’s been
over a month since my last blog post. And, as weird as it was to abandon it at
‘Panic!’, I just did not feel like blogging until right now. Maybe my sudden
desire to blog again is due to the fact that I realize that I have SO much to
study right now, and I’d rather do something else, ANYTHING else, instead.
As for the
panic, it ended well. Achieving an ‘O’ Levels result of seven A*s and one ‘A’
was something that I could only dream of ever since my cousin’s results came
out last year. Managing to secure the exact same grades in reality was nothing
but a dream that came true last month, and I could not have asked for more. The
one 'A' grade is quite an achievement, since it was gifted to me by the subject
Further Pure Mathematics, which had been my phobia. So that is enough for me.
And I’m just happy that I could manage to keep an A* in English. It is, after
all, the most disaster-prone subject and also my pride :) So yeah.
I, myself,
was freaked out by the way I literally SOBBED when I FINALLY saw my grades
online at 6 a.m. on the 23rd of August. It wasn’t happiness, well
maybe only partially, but mostly it was tremendous relief. And the instant my mom joined in with me, I
knew that I needed nothing more. Not at that moment, at least. This was
followed by a wonderful visit from my beloved grandmother and aunt at 6:30
a.m., congratulatory phone-calls, gift money (:P), various other presents,
celebratory outings and dinners, etc.
And I could
not be more grateful to the Almighty for letting me live up to the expectations
of SO many people who happen to be SO concerned about me. But, above all, my
parents, God knows how much I disappointed them repeatedly at one point in
time. Not just disappointed, they were hurt by what I’d do and how I’d be most
of the time. They would lose hope again and again, thinking I was a lost case,
but refusing to believe so. And a lost case was exactly what I had appeared to
be at that point. This is something I never discussed too openly with anyone.
Only strong beings like parents would have the strength to reconstruct dreams
that had been so dreadfully shattered, and that’s what mine did, time and time
again. I can only imagine how much my rapid academic deterioration in the 8th
and 9th grade affected them, when they were so used to seeing me
excel at academics all throughout my school life. What good would admirable elementary
school results do me if I would be declining in high school, a pivotal point of
my life? ‘Cause all is well that ends well.And I’m happy that I could give this
to my parents in my final chance.
I know that
I still have VERY far to go, and that this is only the top of the first flight
of stairs. Amidst all the celebration, no one failed to remind me of that. And
I’m glad that they did bring this up again and again while congratulating me.
Because, as well aware as I am of this fact, it is often easy to forget the
impending journey while you are basking in your own glory for a prolonged
period of time :P
Educational
matters have suddenly become SO demanding that I have grown a little tired of
it already. Continuous pressure, pissed-off teachers, failed deadlines and
anxious parents are already revolving around me, and it’s only the beginning of
the term! :O -_-
All of this
has now been topped with increased expectations, but I believe that is a
blessing. Time, however, is VERY limited now and I’m already procrastinating
more than ever before. Seriously, this blog post itself is a result of my
procrastination in studying! :P
I must really pull myself out of this. But not today. Tomorrow maybe? :)
