Us.

And just when I thought I wouldn't dare to dream . . .

You amaze me. Always have. Always will.

Stuck In Reverse

Yes, I'm having a Coldplay fever, and hence, I'm using their lyrics for my titles lately.

I just stalked my blog. It has been exactly a year. Just one year ago, I began blogging, on one not-so-fine day, because I had nobody to talk to. So, I wrote. I do that quite often, actually.

So, has blogging made things better for me? I don't know.
Has it been significant to me? That's a definite yes.

I'm tracing all the way back to my first blog post. Bliss In Ignorance.
Do I still feel that way? I guess not.
I don't know if I've grown ever since that very first post, but I think there HAS been changes in the way I think. Even then, what I'm actually trying to get to is, I haven't really moved from where I was when I first started this journal. I look around me and I'm astounded by all the changes, the little and big happenings. Anyone who has followed my posts with the slightest attention will have known that my greatest fear is that of changes. Now that is something that has, well, changed. I am not going to put a name to my current greatest fear, but I'm more open to changes now. Maybe it's because I've dealt with a handful over the past year, some of them being quite significant indeed. And here I am, and I am okay. And I WILL be. Right?

All I'm saying is that, alterations in life don't always have to be bad. Some, in fact, even happen for the better. Others can be MADE TO result in something better. I once said something about always having a choice. I really do believe that.

Stuck In Reverse? That's a funny title for a post written exactly a year after Bliss In Ignorance. But life IS funny. Often with dark humor. But, then again, choice. And perspective too, I guess.
So, I'm still here. Same place, just a different time. I can't say I never tried leaving. But what happens when your escape route leads you back to Square One? Well, I guess then you just embrace it and remain there. And if you HAVE to move? Simply revolve around Square One. That's what I'll do. So, yeah.

When You Feel So Tired , But You Can't Sleep. . .

But dreams are a luxury. And I cannot dream of affording dreams when I'm out here begging for the bare necessity.

“I'm so afraid. Because I'm so profoundly happy. Happiness like this is frightening. They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you.”

~ The Kite Runner.

Everything's Not Lost

A forty-five-minute long walk with a friend. It had been a while. It was nice - talking, laughing and catching up. I needed it. I needed it, specifically, today. It served as a much-welcomed reminder that she's still around, that everything's not lost.

Here Comes The Sun

I have always been used to having those sudden bursts of good moods from time to time . These slices of happiness would brighten things up, lasting for about a few hours, and sometimes, even up to a day. I never exactly tried to explain them. They just felt good.
Now, the prolonged feeling of contentment feels good too. And I'm still not trying to explain anything. Not because I don't want to. Not because I can't. But, simply because, really, what is there to be explained? =)

Yes, you .

Yeah, it was just because I was sort of hoping to find you before that.

Beautiful

Because life is beautiful, particularly for all the small things which we often take for granted. =)

Scribbles

Seeing the mildewed-looking paper still sitting there, bruised and slightly forgotten, I take it out and set it in front of me. Once again, using the pen, I add to it. But not the tiny, neat writings I had carefully inscribed before. I scribble. Not once. Not twice. Not just a few times. But all over it. All over my handwriting.
And then, with a pleasant smile that is suitable upon the face of someone who has just realized something nice, I toss it away.

Confirmation

It's one of those nice weather days that make me think of Vagabonding. Coincidentally, I wake up to a text from my Vagabond friend and can't help but cherish the good times. Also, it feels nice to be assured that it still feels the same kind of good. I sort of needed that.

Dear God .

Who am I kidding?

Wordlessness? <- That's a real word.

Once again, I am at a loss of words. I have a lot and nothing to say at the same time. It's just that, sometimes there are no words, even if you're an English teacher on some level. Yeah, that's about it, I guess.

Eh.

I like Pokemons. Lapras was once my favorite. She was blue, beautiful and traveled so gracefully through water. Just saying.
I liked Swat Kats too. And Oswald. And a few others.
Oh, Pokemon theme songs were the best! :D

Swing

So, this is the first "that kind of day" of this year. A spring day, obviously, as always. The kind of day on which my face switches from one expression to another, a little too quickly. The kind of day on which I'm thinking too much in too little time. The kind of day on which I sleep the entire afternoon away, wake up and see that the day is yet to be over. Yes, we're back to that. 2013, you've been nice in quite a few ways till now. Please, don't do this. And, please, just don't make April a nightmare.

Completion

I've never really given much thought to what completion is. But, I think I know now. And how grateful I am. =)

Burial Backfire

"That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out."

The above lines are from the book I've just read, The Kite Runner. It might just be the best individual book I've come across till now. Well, I can't say that I completely disagree with those lines. The thing is, you CAN bury the past, to an extent. You can bury all that is tangible - photos, objects, surroundings. You can get rid of certain things, distance yourself from a few others. It is the intangible that is tricky to deal with.

Memories. That's what they are in a vast sense. But, whoever said you cannot shove memories away and leave them to fade out gradually? You can bury memories too, but once again, to an extent.
There are entities, intangible ones, that you possess and that is yours to give away when you choose to. Along the way, you end up spending these, distributing them at particular points. But, the thing is, these are such that cannot be restored, cannot be retrieved. Once given, they are gone. You cannot regain them, you cannot take them back to give out at a different occasion. The simplest, and perhaps the least personal, example of such an entity is time. You never get it back. These entities (or loss thereof) are what make memories so recurring, so vivid.

For instance, you are doing a good job in burying the past. And then, suddenly, you reach a significant point in the present and you feel that it seems to be the perfect place to plant one of those landmarks, those milestones, only to realize that it is no longer among your possessions. You have already given it away, at a far less appropriate, perhaps even WRONG, instant. The realization causes your mind to drift back towards that time, to wander around the contours of the past that you have been burying so successfully. And it begins to claw its way out.