Is There Ever Really A Right Time?

I guess I'm going to have to do this on my own. You're not here and, believe me, it has been anything but easy. The afternoons are the emptiest of all. How long has it been anyway? What's the point of keeping count when there's nothing to wait for?

I don't know how it is that you do what you did, but, well, you set the benchmark a bit too high. And then I ended up on my own when you left. I need your guidance, your presence, just like several others need you out here. I don't know if I'm weak or stubborn or simply spoiled; all I know is that it's either you or none. And that is that. It's just me.

~ I'm Shining Like Fireworks Over Your Sad, Empty Town.

"Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight,
Well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why..." (8)

Yes, I know I have outgrown Taylor Swift, but, at times, she is still perfect to listen to.

Anyways, here's to growing up and not being under fifteen anymore.

Polarity

I had this post in mind once before, but, back then I was in too good a mood to write it down. Now, here I go.
Years ago, I had once told a friend that things are always in the extremes. You need to make a choice between two options. Each has its flaws; you just need to select the one that has less. It gets hard at times, carrying around this mental weighing balance all the time.
Once again, I am reminded that it is, in fact, very true. You can have this or that. Black or white. Heatwaves or blizzards. Why is there no intermediate? I KNOW that nothing, nobody, will be a perfect balance. Everything and everyone WILL tend to lean more towards one side than the other. But why must things be so much in the extreme? Too much this or too much that? Why is there nothing in the middle? And, if there IS, then why can I not see it?

2013 in the rear-view.

So, 2013 is over. And I thought I should reflect a bit. This blog is something that's going to stay, and it'll probably be nice to look at years from now. I don't know if it was the best YEAR overall or anything, but the best thing that has ever happened to me has definitely happened in 2013.

Well, the year began weirdly. The first event of 2013 for me was a trip to Movenpick with one of my best friends. It had been pending and long-awaited for. Things were starting to look up, but there will always be some things that I'll probably never really say even when they're on my mind, bothering me. But, let's just put all that aside. After the first day, I began to look forward to the rest of 2013. There were some changes to be made, some traditions to let go of. And I did so. I'm not going to say it was a piece of cake, 'cause I hate changes, but what I was trying to prevent was a bigger, devastating change. And you just need to move on with life, I guess. I'm thankful to all the people who have been so nice to me, so supportive, all throughout.

The days were going well, until one fine afternoon, Preacherman said he'd be leaving. I don't have the words to put that day into description. I don't even have words for the days that followed, when we made all our efforts into organizing a memorable farewell for him. Maybe that's when it really began. During those days, I found myself in the company of one particular friend, again and again. And it was never enough. It's not like I wasn't aware of this before, but I stopped fighting it completely and just made the best of it.

Preacherman left. All we had was each other, the Preacherwave family. And we made it through, most of the time.

March had a lot in store. Exams were near. We were trying to fill the void left by the absence of Preacherwave sessions. And I constantly kept spending time with that one friend, who made my world go around. It had to happen at SOME point, didn't it? US, I mean. 29th March changed my life, gave a whole new meaning to Infinite. Thank you.

Then came the exams. We were as screwed up as ever. I never even got to the question papers. The exams passed. Vacation began. Couldn't have been any better. Preacherman was here to visit. Sure he was all thin and looked really weird now ( =P ), but he was still the inspiration he had always been. Two months of Preacherwave made me even closer to this unbelievable teacher. And it was harder to watch him leave, again.

Things changed. People grew apart. At first it probably just started with physical distance. But sometimes that gets in the way, brings mental changes. People were busy with their own lives, their different priorities. But I guess somewhere inside, everyone's still there. I don't know, really.

The results brought disaster upon us all. Unexpected for the most part. Things changed further, but this time it was hardly our choice. 

Twelfth grade is supposed to be the year that you spend with everyone because you're all going to be scattered the next year. But we were already pretty scattered, without much warning. We got used to it eventually, I guess.

Sometimes you feel like you know a person for years, because you literally HAVE known her for years, but then suddenly it seems like you had gotten her all wrong. And not in a good way. I don't know. I don't want to judge. I just hope that the people I care about can figure out who they truly are and what they want in life. It sucks to see them lost like this. Yes, I'd like to use the term "lost", 'cause I don't want to think that this IS their place.

I had great moments this year. My family has been beyond wonderful. About the result disaster, about everything else. They have been endlessly supportive. Recently my dad was diagnosed with a block in his artery and needed to get a stenting done. It was a horrible time. Somehow it made realize all over again how my family defines me in so many ways and just how important it is. My dad's doing better now. I just hope everything remains okay.

I don't know if anything can be better than being in love with your best friend (and not being unrequited =P ). My year has been made amazing by this best friend, the best thing that has ever happened to me. And it has been nine Infinite months. =)

Yesterday, on the 31st, as per tradition, I called up the friend with whom I make resolutions each year (knowing that it'll all be in vain :P ). And though time has created a gap between us, it felt great to be able to speak to her in the exact same way as I used to. I guess that's the thing with such old friends. You can put aside the interval and just talk.

My 31st evening was nothing extravagant. But I spent it with the person I most wanted to be with. A long, aimless winter walk with him was enough to give me a great ending to 2013.

I hope 2014 treats everyone very well. God bless us all. =)