Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Sometimes, NO ONE gets it. And I'm not very used to this kind of thing 'cause I haven't faced much of it before. But I guess that's just how it is at times. And all you can do is try to keep going.

Uhh =/

I am SUCH a procrastinator. I had nine freaking months to study the biology syllabus. But I just HAD to start nine DAYS before the exams. And I had to push myself to finish it all in eight short days. I really don't know what to expect after this. But, well, the exam starts in a few hours. I just hope I can apply all that I HAVE learned last week. I hope I don't black out or something. May Allah help me and all those who are sitting for the exam today.

~ Like Coming Home, Like Coming Up For Air.

2013. Wow. Okay. I'll turn eighteen this October.

So, April just passed by. I have always been afraid of this month for a few reasons, all having to do with bad things happening. But, well, it was different this year, to say the least. I had the best month.
It was... divine.
Yes, that's what it was.
And now, as I type this post, I'm wondering - hey, this divinity, why was it once a bad thing again?
Well, now I know. It was never a bad thing. In fact, it is the best thing that has happened to me. Ever.

Do the right thing.

"Sometimes we know what to do. It's just that, we need someone to tell us what we refuse to tell ourselves." ~ Preacherman, 9th December 2012.

I miss him, really. With the exams THIS close, less than a week away ( okay, just FIVE FREAKIN' DAYS away), I REALLY need him to tell me what I must do. I mean, I KNOW, but it makes all the difference when he speaks to me. I wish he was around, to preach. He still does, obviously, but sometimes he's just so terribly out of reach in the instants when I need him the most. And I know that a lot of people are feeling the same way right now.
Anyways, despite everything, I hope you're having the time of your life, Preacherman. =)

Nothing Else Matters.

I'm happy.
No, not in the hey-I'm-happy-right-now kind of way. I'm just.. HAPPY. In general. Over all.

~ "And nothing else matters." ~

And, again, it's time for it to flash back.

I keep getting those memory flashes. I always did, but right now it actually bothers me. It has been so for the past few days. Staying on my own for the majority of the time isn't helping at all. This is no big surprise or anything, but it simply sucks. It has been catalyzed by a number of other things. I had a very ridiculous, funny conversation with my cousin the other day, where she brought up a lot of things in the most joking manner. I laughed along during the conversation. But, all of it started flooding back to me later on, the next day. I had sort of forgotten quite a few of the dumb details until all that was talked about again. Worse than the conscious thoughts are the fragments of the nightmares I have. They not only involve those times, but also the possible effects of those times on the present and future. This part is a new addition made this year. It's terrifying.
I know this is just a matter of a few days and then it will be over for a very long time. So, I'm not over-worrying or anything. But the timing is really bad, you know? Right before exams. Always. Well, of course. Anyways, I'll get by just fine. That I know. But still, I do hope that one day it stops coming back altogether. Forever.

LOL .

But SUBTLETY is attractive! =O Unconventionally attractive.
God. Help these dumb people. =P

Oh God, all of this is so much beyond perfect. Please, let me keep it? Forever? Please?

Well. =)

I feel Infinite .

Always.

Just last night, I was feeling a little mellow. It had been a while since I had had any communication with the Preacherman. Two weeks seemed pretty long, yeah. I had a really nice evening today and I was feeling a lot better. But then things continued to get brighter. I was walking around peacefully after class when someone called. I looked at my phone to see that the number was unidentifiable and received the call doubtfully.
"Hey buri, what's up?"
I swear I heard those words. It took me a while to believe them. And that was him, the Preacherman. We spoke for twenty minutes. It was just like before; seemed like he had never really left the country. I don't know. It was really nice. And he was infinitely inspirational, as usual, as always.

Magnitudes

Amazing how one does not realize just HOW wrong one had been until one really gets it right. But, by then, it's all good. It's worth everything.

Graduation Glory

A week away from right now, I will be at the graduation ceremony for the O-levels school graduates of our batch. Yes, there's a dress code. Yes, it's very feminine and formal for the female students. Yes, I'm obsessing over the preparations.

Honestly, I'm excited. I don't want to let the fear of approaching exams ruin it for me. I'm planning with my friends, describing my outfit to anyone who would or wouldn't listen. I gave my best guy friend a full account of every bit of description the other day. He groaned and complained, but listened anyway, then even tried to understand.
It's also nice to see the guys getting excited over their tuxedos. And I can't help but think about how everyone will look all grown up. Whether or not we will act that way obviously remains as a whole different question, as usual.

So, yeah. I cannot wait. I hope the evening turns out to be as glorious as it seems in my head. If not more.

Feminism?

I have been meaning to write a post about feminism for a while. And today I just feel like it. No, this isn't a rebellious post where I preach about women's power and rights. I doubt this is even about feminism. This is just a thought, in all its simplicity.

I have seen guys who treat their girlfriends like shit. I have seen them trying to dominate and overpower their significant others, not giving much significance at all.
I have also seen guys who treat their special women very specially. I have seen these gentlemen put their respective special ones above everything else, always trying to grant every wish and make all dreams come true. Then I have seen these very men treat everyone else around them like scum - and in less extreme cases, simply as unworthy inferiors.

If asked, I would fail to decide which category is worse. The first kind is abuse. The second is merely deception. At the end of the day, I honestly don't know which I'd hate more.
When dealing with the first kind, if I was the victim, well, what can I say? It would be like living under oppression every hour of every day. And how can one live like that?
And, as for the second kind, I'd be a lucky girlfriend. But what if I wasn't the girlfriend? What if I wasn't even the crush? What if I was someone who just knew the guy? I'd be treated by him with little or no importance even when I deserved better than that. And if the lucky girlfriend is happy with a man like that, wow, good luck for the future.

I see many people around me - several guys who think of women as their inferiors, and many others who believe in equality.

The thing is, when we women want feminism to be promoted, we're NOT asking you to give us a chance to dominate over you men. We're not asking to be superior to you. All we're asking for is to let us have as much as a chance as you do. Let us be an equal part of the important things. Give us a chance to make a difference, a positive one.

I'm not just talking in terms of affairs and commitments here. But that did seem like a good place to start.

Giggles :P

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! =D

Okay, that's it for today. xD

Everything =')

So, you go out with a guy, jokingly pretending you're just getting to know him, when you've already known him for almost five years. You run around, annoy each other, laugh like maniacs and do crazy shit that make passers-by oddly stare at you. Then you two plan a marriage, a perfect, crazy one, and laugh at yourselves for doing so, but you both simultaneously hope to make it work someday. Then you finally end the awesome date, hoping to see each other again.
And immediately, right from that moment, you begin describing your date to your best friend while he advices you to continue seeing the guy.

At the end of the day, when you think about how it is all that same one person, you can't help but be amazed. If this isn't Infinite, then what is?

~ And would you tell me how could it be any better than this? ~