Metathesiophobia ~ The Fear of Changes

It's not that I'm not open-minded. I am. But I have this one weakness ~ a phobia for changes. You get introduced to something new, you learn to accept it, you get accustomed to it, you find comfort and peace within it.... and then, suddenly, it changes. And you wonder why you were introduced to it in the first place. Now that's scary, call me weird or whatever.

If you want to look for the greatest example of "changes", just take a trip down the memory lane and think of all the different friend circles you've had. How many remained the way they originally were? How many could you hold on to and keep unaltered? If you have been able to do so for the majority, then you're one lucky person. Sadly for others, you're also very rare. 

When I first began school, I had two best friends. Okay, we were only six, we fought every single day and turned against each other every hour. But that was all a part of growing up. Gradually, we learned. We bonded as we grew. At one point, I thought we were inseparable. But was I right? Unfortunately, no. Now I barely talk to those two. With one of them, I can still laugh and have fun, but we hardly spend any time together. With the other, my relation is very formal. And how are things between those two? Hah! They don't even speak or look at each other. When we began school, it was always the three of us. And when school is about to end after all these years, all of us are not even on good terms. It just feels sad when you think of it that way.

Then I had another friend circle. Two other girls. Again, it was the three of us. Both of them left school. One of them was transformed into the biggest nerd and got crippled under academic pressure. Then she left the country. The other one, well, just chose to take a different path and became a slut. Wow. In the end, I don't communicate all that much with either of them, especially the latter.

Yet another friend circle. Seven people. It was awesome while it lasted. Our friendship seemed never-ending. Well, of course it wasn't all that. One of these friends left us, she got tired of her life and sadly snuffed it. This was the most traumatic incident in my entire school life. May her soul rest in peace, and may the Almighty forgive her for taking the liberty of ending her own life.
Then we moved up a grade and things were still good among the rest of us. We were also joined by another new friend and life rolled on. Eventually, we moved up yet another grade and the sections were divided. That's when history repeated itself. One of the girls fell in love, got hurt a few times, became way too emo and got detached from us. She confided in only one or two people and lied to the rest, so a distance was created right there. And then she left school.
Another friend got struck by a powerful dose of lameness. I have no idea what happened to her, but soon enough she became all muted and boring. She'd spend her time studying and looking like she's irritated with the whole world, absolutely in no mood for fun. And eventually, it became really difficult to start a proper conversation with her although she was probably the closest to me before.
One of the remaining friends had enough problems to deal with at home. She left the school. She'd seem more distant than before. It wasn't her fault, but things weren't exactly the same as before although I'd take my hat off to her in appreciation of her efforts.
Then, yet another friend  left school. This girl was probably the liveliest of all. She's still doing her best in keeping up a good friendship with all of us, but it's just not the same when you're not in the same institution and you don't get to spend much time together. And people will eventually get busy with their own lives, that's only natural.

Now that leaves me with only two friends from that group. One of them is a very old friend from the original circle, and the other is the new friend that joined us midway. We seem stable, but I've learned enough to keep my fingers crossed for luck. However, I feel that what I have with these two is more than mere friendship. We proudly call it sisterhood. But I can't help wondering... what would happen if we got separated and went to different institutions? Would we be able to keep this up? I pray that the Almighty gives us the ability to do so. That is all I can hope for now. Fortunately, the three of us were joined by another awesome friend. He's always being the grown-up and babysitting us, so he's considered our daddy! If it sounds weird, I suggest you don't continue reading my blog. Because my life revolves around these three people. My sisters and my daddy. Who said it has to be a biological family? We're as good as any perfect family! And when I say that daddy is always being the grown-up, don't mistake him for a very serious or boring person! He's the most hilarious living being that I know of. And he can be absolutely retarded and as crazy as one can possibly be! It's just that he also has an unbelievably mature core. Despite being only seventeen, he's probably more mature than many middle-aged people! And he's the BEST at taking care of all of us. 

These three people are the most important ones in my life, right after my biological family :P
Friends, I have many. But I don't have such a bond with any of the others. It's not that the four of us never have ups-and-downs. We definitely do. But I believe that perfection does NOT lie in never facing trouble. Having the courage and strength to overcome the hurdles is what makes us perfect. So, you see, I'm happy with what I have now.. because I have a LOT... But it also means that I have a LOT to lose. So, at times I'm just scared, really really scared... 'Cause I have no idea how I will EVER adapt to a change in THIS friend circle (Read: Family). But if you've ever read my previous posts, you 'll know that I try my best not to worry. I'm more concerned with making a beautiful today  =)

There's a reason why I'm scared of April. I mentioned it before.  I was going through a lot of shit in my life a while back (This shit was previously referred to as the cataclysm, if you've read my third post). This cataclysm had shown up one April, in the disguise of a blissful gift. Then that changed too, didn't it? All the bliss began to turn into disaster once April was over. And if you've read my third post, you'll also have heard about The Temporary Radiance. The thing is, this radiance had shone with the greatest intensity another April. From the very first day of  that divine April. But it was temporary. The radiance is just a memory now. But I'll be forever in debt to that light for it drove away the cataclysm.

You probably think I'm the most complicated person in the whole world, but not really :P
It's just that I tend to 'metaphorize' my stories so that I don't have to write down the facts too directly. If you're wise enough, you'll have understood that the cataclysm and the radiance are actually two different people. And both of them had appeared before me with the greatest prominence on two different Aprils. The point I'm trying to make is that, simply, the month of April has always been eventful. Each event began as a very pleasant one, until it gradually died out. I wonder if they have a scientific name for the fear of April? 

I'm not emo. That's an honest proclamation. I'm doing well now. But you already know about my weakness. I have metathesiophobia. Other than that, I'm quite a strong person. One of my best friends (Daddy) had jokingly advised me to hibernate during this April so that I don't give a chance for any such events to take place. But I doubt that hibernation would've been a solution. I'm very prone to changes, especially during this weird month.

To most people, everything I've been writing is absolute gibberish. But to those who know me well, it probably makes sense. God, I sound so weird. Even to myself. This indicates something: I should end this post right here. And I should find something else to do for a change. Wait, did I say CHANGE? Oh no.